The differences of sons.

Liam and Roman Where to start? Liam was immediately a great sleeper, Roman wasn't. AT ALL. It took him about a month to even sleep at least 3 hours, then, one night it was 4 then 5 then 7. OH MY!!! Sleep is a beautiful thing isn't it? I almost forgot. Liam is built like his daddy, short legs and stout and loves being cuddled. His love language is physical touch. Roman has long long legs like his mom and a tiny head, the opposite of Liam. Liams head is huge. No wonder it took him a while to be able to hold his head up lol. Roman has already started to hold his tiny head up pretty well. We joke that Liam has the biggest widest feet while Roman has the smallest feet ever. Almost like a preemie. One thing I noticed about Roman, is that even though he likes being held, he seems to not like being touched. Almost like an extra sensitivity to touch. Isn't there a diagnosis called extra sensory something something? It is like everything is exxagerated for him. I hope I am wrong. I would hate for him to shy away from a comforting touch in his adult years. Surely it would push others away. Don't want that. Everytime I rub his leg, stomach, back or anything. He tenses up and just kinda grunts like he just wants me to stop. Strange but it is him, so I will love him anyway. Liam was born on a odd icy snowy day in Dallas, Tx. And took about 2 days and 45 minutes of easy going laid back laughter filled "hard labor". Yes, I am bragging, I can ya know. I squeezed a baby out of a difficult region so there ya go lol. Roman on the other hand had me thinking he would be here sooner than he was. I awoke one morning and my water had broke, and 5 minutes later, my contractions were already 5 minutes apart. OUCHIE!!!! This was 7:45am. I had Roman at 4:54pm after only 10 minutes of pushing, but this labor was super exhausting, moreso than the first. Never understood why. Liam is a natural born attention getter/seeker. I think Roman will be more reserved and maybe even a little bit on the high strung side. We shall see. So that is all for now, I will post more as they both grow into more of their own identities. Such a blessing to think I had these boys, and so thankful that my post partum has let up to allow me to bond with Roman, because the first three weeks, I didn't want anything to do with him. Now I breathe him in every time he is in my arms and thank God for him. I didn't have to be allowed to have one even two children, so I am blessed beyond what I deserve. He is my "little stinky butt" and Liam is my "big stinky butt". And I will love them always : )

Thoughts and questions I've had for mom since then...

1. OMG Liam is pushing up on his arms even more.

2. OMG Liam is getting two teeth at the bottom.

3. OMG Liam is rocking back and forth on all fours.

4. What's the brand of broth you use?

5. How long do you cook the chicken for?

6. Pray for me, Kevin will be gone for 3 weeks and I am freaking out.

7. I wish you could see him now, you would love him so.

8. I gotta call mom. Oh wait.

9. Liam had a virus with sores on his mouth, he was in so much pain,
I hated it. He was so lethargic, usually he smiles always.

10. For the first two weeks after you were gone, I felt guilty for being
able to exhale, seeing that you weren't able.

11. Liam loves the water, he kicks water all over the bathroom floor,
it's too cute, and messy.

12. I went to the dr and she put me on celexa. Don't know if it's just post partum, but Kevin said he noticed I kinda checked out after you left us.

13. It's really hot here, go figure. I thought Ky was always hotter.

14. Kevin slept in Liams room so that I could sleep, it helped a lot.

15. I still have to Burts Bee's tube I used on your mouth in the
hospital. I will keep it always.

16. I am scared to call dad. Afraid I'll forget and say what I always said
when he answered "dad, is mom around"

17. Going to make Cracker Barrels hashbrown casserole for our foundation group get together, it was good last time we made it.

18. Did you use yellow or white onions?

19. I am still at 128lbs. Go me!!! even eating mucho Butterfingers lol

20. Liam is 20 lbs now and can already wear 12 month shirts, but with
his short legs wears 3-6 month pants : )

21. I started attending a moms group at church. It's pretty good. I needed some female interaction.

22. I wish you could have seen our house. Even though it needs work, you would have loved it.

23. I am so glad your hair looked good. I was worried. I knew you would have hated to hair horrible hair.

24. Liam loves the dogs. He laughs when Lena or Jack come into view. It's the greatest sound.

Randomness -Things I like, don't like and other stuff.

1. I will not worry about putting my kid in preschool...when the child is still an infant. Chill out and let them be babies. I know plenty of people who went to public school and they are successful by society standards. Whatever that is!?!?

2. I love chocolate everything, but I have a new passion for lemon desserts.It is almost a obsession.

3. I LOVE Dallas, but when I went home to Louisville. I actually said to myself "I miss Louisville." Yeah, I couldn't believe it myself : )

4. I hope I raise Liam to be a polite, well mannered well rounded child.
noone wants a hellion running around screaming lol.

5. I love traveling and dining out but have not been able to due to
financial setbacks. I hate money. The lack of it has kinda killed my spirit.
I feel no enjoyment in life anymore. The two things that I loved doing, now I cannot.

6. Brown is my favorite color. I could have every room in my house brown,
but alas, it is not practical. Wait I am not too practical anyway : )

7. I don't mind when Liam wakes me during the night. It is an excuse to spend time with him. Having a kid makes you love like you never have before.

8. I love old homes and architecture. It's like a breath of fresh air.

9. I love decorating. I am your go to girl. I love a myriad of styles.

10. I would love to be a party planner or a wedding planner or a interior designer.

11. My son has the best smile on the planet...hands down. Don't argue with me about this : )

12. Although I will never love cooking or be a good cook. I want to be a good baker/maker of yummy desserts for when my kids and their friends get older. I remember my mom would always make my friends and I Nestle Quick chocolate shakes during the summer. Good times.

13. I am so thankful we are starting to develop friendships here in Texas. It was lonely that first year without anyone and being pregnant without my moms daily support.

14. I am so blessed to have a child who only cries when he is hungry. Can self soothe himself and puts himself to sleep. I don't know how other parents deal with needy, whiny clingy kids. Definitely not my cup of tea. It is true that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I am a laidback mom but sometimes I just can't handle the little stresses.

15. I am a dog person. If I had the funds and the room. I would go to the shelter and grab them all and bring them home. ADOPT A SHELTER DOG. STAY AWAY FROM BREEDERS PEOPLE!!! Too many dogs die because shelter dogs aren't given a chance for life.

16. If you have a dog, don't leave them outside. If you aren't going to spend time with them. What is the point of having a pet? Quit being selfish.

17. I love tomatoes but hate ketchup. I love cheese but hate cheesecake.I love all things potato EXCEPT potato salad (YUCK!).

18. I am a wonderful mom. Thanks to my mom owning a daycare growing up. I was around babies a lot. I learned a lot thru that experience. All the rules they have these days are ridiculous. Many parents back in the day didn't even know about those "rules" and we all turned out just fine. Follow your gut.

19. I want to furnish my house with Art Deco, MidCentury Modern, Bohemian and Hollywood Regency styles. It might take a while : )

20. The older I get, the more anxieties I collect. Starting a conversation with a stranger in terrifying. Yikes.

21. I hate it when people get in my bubble. Back up lady behind me in the line at the grocery I can feel your breath on my neck and it's annoying me...thanks.

22. I used to be a raver chic and breakdanced. Yeah, I was good. The best times of my life. Met some awesome people.

23. I sleep on my side or back in the dark with complete silence...or I don't sleep.

24. I am a beauty school drop out. I still can cut hair pretty good and am a color genius.

25. I am right handed.

26. I love the smell of gasoline.

27. When I was little, my sister was toting my on my bro's 10 speed and we were going down the big hill on our street and I got scared and tried to stop the bike with my foot, in the spokes, flipping us both over the bike and onto the ground. Ouch. But I got out of school for 3 days : )

28. Growing up I danced ALL the time and practiced gymnastics. I could have went to the olympics if I stuck with it.

29. My favorite book is "Be True To Your School" by Bob Green. Go read it!

30. I won the regional spelling bee when in 5th grade. I never had to study for spelling tests, even for words I had never seen before. I just seem to have known how they were spelled.

31. I love being around people but also need that alone down time just the same. If I go to long without interacting it makes me depressed. Surprised I didn't get Post Partum Depression.

32. Labor pains are the most excruciating pains I have ever expereinced. Glad I know the difference between Braxton Hicks and the real deal, but nervous now that I know the real deal and therefore have to wait until I have unreal pain to go to the hospital next pregnancy : (

33. I judge a restaurant by their queso.

34. I cried the first day of 1st grade. I didn't understand the idea of school and when I got home, I let my mom know I was displeased. I said "You left me all by myself downtown"

35. I love contrasting colors in all aspects of life.

36. I love Taylor Swift, don't judge me, she is good.

37. Porcelain dolls are freaky and shouldn't be owned by anyone.

38. I hate all things Harry Potter and Twilight.

39. I love taking pictures. Some have said I should do it for a living. Maybe down the road when I get more experience.

40. I have 2 brothers and one sister. I am the youngest.

41. I have 3 tattoos and would like a few more.

42. I can watch HGTV all day and never get tired of it.

43. I will still have bright red hair at a ripe old age. I don't feel like me without it : )

44. A few tv shows that I love. Six Feet Under, Modern Family, Sex and the City, Seinfeld, Dead Like Me, Friends, My So Called Life, and Will and Grace.

45. I started school so excited but my Learning Disabilty got the best of me. I am still hoping I can find someone in Texas to be able to help me.

46. I eat most of my food with some type of cheese, it just seems naked without it.

47. I will see the Maldives before they disappear.

48. Kevin and I plan on taking the kids, when they are older, on a Route 66 trip. It should be fun!!

49. My mind operates the opposite of most people.

50. I miss San Franciso soooo much! The song is true.

18.

Trip to Louisville and moms death

So its been a while since I posted. I took an unexpected early trip to Louisville. Got a call that mom was in the hospital, dad had found her unresponsive and she was on a breathing tube and being kept sedated. I hurried home as fast as I could...with Liam. Talk about stress. It took me 18 hours over 2 days what was only to take 12 hours to get to Kentucky. I prayed the whole way home just to be able to talk to mom and for her to see Liam. She wanted that so bad, and it had to happen. It must. I finally got there, and when I first saw her in the hospiatl with the breathing tube and her head tilted up toward the ceiling, she looked like death, horrible. I tried to stay positive and keep saying she would get out before I had to leave (whenever that was?) We all just wanted her to get well and get her butt home. But she hadn't took care of herself, she hardly ate, if she did, it was pretzels, chips...junk. If she drank anything, it was coffee or tea. She had given up really years ago, but recently it had taken it's toll on
her body. She had COPD, emphysema. Still smoked. She was dehydrated, malnurished. At the hospital they found she had a heart attack, congestive heart failure, from the dehyration tightening her lungs, thus making her heart work harder than it needed. Pneumonia, sepsis. All that together was
not good. We kept thinking she would get the tube out and go to a facility that would help her. They tried several times over the course of the week she was in the hospital to remove the tube, and she just could not breath on her own. Twice, it didnt work. Once it did. We clung to that one time.

She had a living will saying she didn't want to be kept alive artificially, and one night at mom and dads house all my brothers and sister got together and discussed what we should do because the dr told us her only option was to a tracheostomy(?) Of course, mom would never want that done. She had wanted out of her body for a long time. She was tired. She was done. Why would she want to be kept alive just so she could not talk, not eat or anything? That was hard for us to come to grips with. A lot of tears were shed that night. It didn't seems real. It still doesn't. I keep having reasons to call her and then realize.....and so my eyes tear up.

I had feared moms death ever since I was a little kid. I would cry myself to sleep a lot because all the kids in my class had parents that were in their 20's and my mom was 44. That seemed so old then. I used to pray, "God, please don't let my mom die" Kinda silly, but it scared me to death lol.

I am thankful I had her for 35 years. I know some people who have lost there moms when they were in their teens. That would have really sucked :(
I am so glad she got to see Liam and touch him. her family were right there by her. We got to say what we needed to say.

I dreaded to trip home. As long as I stayed in Louisville, her death just happened. But as soon as I went back to Texas, it became real and life had to resume. They say you can never go home again. Even though I have been in texas for a year. I never realized home was wherever mom was. Now. I feel so displaced. I am so lost. I really don't know how to go forward. I think she would want me to be strong for that baby. Liam. I feel like she knew I was okay now that I settled down, got married, had a kid. Maybe she was waiting for that. To know, all her children, the kids are okay.

This has been the hardest thing that I have evr had to deal with. And it is just the beginning. I pray for strength and peace everyday. I want Liam to know how cool and awesome his grandmas was even, in the end when she wasn't as positive as she used to be. She still was the "best mom ever".

Sunday morning, rough already.

I woke up at 4am, couldn't get back to sleep. Kevin had to be at work
at 7am. So I finished feeding Liam and tried to sleep, but just dozed on and off for a while. Fed Liam after he got up, we hung out for a while, then he had another nap. When he awoke he was hungry. No surprise, but we didn't have ANY formula. Oh stress. Would I really have to take this hungry neurotic
crying baby to the store? YES. Oh gaw, it was painful. Never again will I
run out of formula lol. I will stockpile it like a hoarder : )

Hoping Kevin gets off early today. I need a serious break. I am trying to
stay awake and entertain the munchkin at the same time. I haven't ate anything yet except some chocolate. I am seriously addicted to chocolate.
I don't have my peanut butter train here in Texas, so chocolate will do.

Liam will be 16 weeks this Friday (4 months) I can't believe he is that
old already. He is growing too fast. Before I know it, he will be a teenager. Liam, one thing. I hope you stay as even keeled and sweet as
you are now. You are such a good baby, we are blessed that you are so good.

I know everyone thinks their kid is good, but I guarantee If they were
to babysit ours, they would be jealous lol--- I can say that, I'm his momma : )

Speaking of the devil. He is up. I guess I should go and do some tummy
time. He seems to like it. If he is getting tired of it, he just kinda
grunts really loud like a weight lifter LOL, it's cute : )

Until next post, Au re voir!

Where did my post go??

I got on to blog today and one of my posts is gone???
okay, strange. I didn't delete it. It was about go kiss
your kids and love them. No one is promised tomorrow.

Well, today is Friday and my friend Diana had her baby.
We might go try to see her today at the hospital. Kevin might
be too tired when he gets off work. So we will see I guess.
I am home all day with Liam so, when he gets home I am dying
to get out of the house, but all he wants to do is be at home.
I told him, if he stayed home with a baby all day, he would
understand how I felt. Sometimes, just driving around the block
a few times is good. At least I have gotten out of the house. It
has been a slow process of meeting people here. My pregnancy was
bad, so i couldn't get out and go to the meet up groups I had
joined, and when we tried to get involved at church around September,
the next class didn't start til February, talk about a let down.
I am a social person and being secluded for the last year has been
a nightmare...really depressing. There were days I thought, man I
need some Prozac or something because I just didn't think I could make
it another day. It has gotten better, slow and steady I guess. I miss my friends and family back home. I am dying to get home and see everyone, and of course let Liam be the main attraction when we visit back home : )

I still don't know how the trip is gonna transpire. We need to find
someone to watch the dogs. We had someone offer, they just had a baby, so
don't know if they will still be up for it. I hope and pray they are, but we will see. And, of course driving with Liam alone across the states
is kinda scary. I am not one to be fearful of things. Gosh, when I
was younger, my friend Kelly and I would walk around downtown Louisville,
while at Sparks....our favorite house music club, and we would make friends with homeless people and such. My mom always told me I shouldn't but, I wasn't afraid. My thought was, If it was my time to go, then you can't
do anything to prevent it. So many people are afraid of people like that.
Some of those people were nicer than the well to do people I knew.

I was nervous when drove back to Louisville by myself, but I did it,
and now that nervousness isn't there, but now there is a baby in the
mix, so it is more stressful. Will Liam sleep good? He falls asleep
in the car. Will I forget something important, say, like his stroller,
etc. I have to think everything thru. I hope everything falls into place
so I can make that trip home. God will provide,ask and you shall receive. Okay, I need a dog sitter, place to stay in Louisville, and money : )
This is when I say abra cadabra : ) or Ta Da!!

This has been a great day so far, Liam has been especially excited
all day, and very smiley and kicking those legs. He gets that from me.
When I get excited, I jump up and down and generally just move around
a lot. It's so cute to watch...him not me : )

Speaking of him, I think I will go wake him, he has napped long enough.
He is such a good sleeper, so I am not worried about him not sleeping
at night. He has been sleeping thru the night since about 8 weeks. I guess some babies either are good or not. We got a good one. We realize how blessed we are with Liam. He is amazingly good in so many aspects. Our friend came to visit in April and his mom mentioned that he was going to
be surrounded by a crying baby all weekend. When he left, he said, Liam
was maybe the best baby he has ever been around. We get that all the time.
If we go anywhere, people always comment how good he is, or how cute
he is. We eat it up of course. What parent wouldn't be proud to hear that??

Well, I guess that is all for now. Hope everyone has a good weekend!!

Go give your kids a kiss right now!!!

After reading a blog today about SIDS. It made me want to never let Liam out of my sight. I realize this isn't possible in life, but I just wanted
to go run and love on him and kiss him. And thats what i did. I woke him up from his nap to play with him, and give him tons of kisses, No one is promised tomorrow, so don't take anything for granted. Okay, on a lighter note. I just ate a chocolate ice cream bar for lunch and it was delicious. It was a new brand called "Magnum" dark chocolate. I guess choclate is my alcohol. I have no problem with drinking, but I don't do much of it. If I order 2, I usually drink about 1 and a half. But ever since being a mom, I need chocolate to be kept in the house. I have become addicted to Butterfingers. So tasty and non healthy, nothing better than that!!

Today is a rainy day and my cycle started 2 days ago. Before I got pregnant, they were horrid, but now they have gotten worse. I called Kevin telling him, he might need to come home to help me with Liam because I
felt like I was going to black out, which, has happened plenty of times.
I didn't feel safe carrying Liam in my arms going up/down the stairs. It seemed to have passed this time. I am hoping it is just my body adjusting after childbirth. Recovery had been the worse for me. I will take the
contractions anyday.